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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29359641">The Faerghus Fright Fest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giroshane/pseuds/Giroshane'>Giroshane</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comedy, Deus Ex MachAnna, Gratuitous blood (fake), Gratuitous shenanigans (very real), Gratuitous violence (fake(?)), HOH/Deaf Byleth, Haunted Houses, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Horror, Multi, Nonbinary Bernadetta von Varley, Nonbinary Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Nonbinary My Unit | Byleth, Polyamory, The Blue Lions have SO many hands and ZERO braincells, i have a CHART, some dealings with trauma/ptsd, there's too many people holding too many hands</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:13:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,124</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29359641</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giroshane/pseuds/Giroshane</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dimitri and Ingrid have wanted to ask Mercedes out for months, but they want to show their affection with the biggest grand gesture they can muster. When they learn the local haunt has gone out of business, they spot an opportunity to worm their way into Mercedes's horror-loving heart.</p><p>But building a haunted house isn't easy, and they're going to need all the help they can get, from the other Blue Lions and beyond. Between rowdy patrons, forgotten lines, props gone wrong, and nightmares brought to life, will they crash and burn before Mercedes even gets there? Or will this Halloween be more treat than trick?</p><p>And is Garreg Mach actually haunted?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Annette Fantine Dominic/Mercedes von Martritz, Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Dedue Molinaro, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Mercedes von Martritz/Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey all! Gonna establish right out the gate that my tags just canNOT cover everything without being a nightmare. SO, there are some relationships that are more in the background/non-traditionally romantic, and I didn't feel the need to clog the respective tags. I won't be tagging any other relationships, but if there are content tags I may have missed please don't hesitate to let me know, because those are far more important. This is my first FE/FE3H fic and I've signed myself up for a doozy. I hope y'all enjoy the chaos. It's off the charts.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mercedes cries out as she nearly runs into her own reflection. She tries to take a deep breath to steady herself, knowing that running will do her more harm than good. But the dark crowds in, what little light there is refracts around her, makes her reflection more menacing than she knows it to be. She can glimpse a dozen other copies of herself, and tries to focus on where the copies <em> aren’t</em>. That’s her ticket out of here. </p><p>She takes a step, and pauses. That step echoes, and in that moment she realizes how <em> quiet </em> everything is. Mercedes had been with a group of people, but now they are all gone. How could they have managed to make a maze this <em> complicated</em>, with <em> this </em> many mirrors, to separate their group? Then again, the old monastery is known for having winding hallways that branch off and off like trees. Hopefully the maze funnels to only one exit, but there’s no way of knowing until she moves forward. She inhales, softly in the silence, and moves forward in the mirror maze. </p><p>She thinks she can hear screams in the distance, and her heartbeat ratchets higher, she can feel it thumping against her sternum in time with her echoing steps. She sees a shadow in the corner of her eye and jumps, a frightened “<em>eep</em>” slipping past her lips that she muffles with a hand. The shadow mimics her movement and she relaxes. A stressed laugh comes out instead. The maze really is getting to her. She waves to her reflection and moves on. </p><p>She hits several dead ends before she hears something else in the dark. It could be a shuffle, it could be a <em> snuffle</em>, it could be anything, but it wasn’t a sound that came from her, that was for sure.</p><p>“Who’s there?” Mercedes calls gently. Speaking in this cursed space feels like a grave trespass, but she can’t deny the thrill it gives her. Adrenaline is coursing full speed in her veins. </p><p>There’s nothing, in the space of her breath.</p><p>There’s nothing, in another.</p><p>She decides it was nothing and takes another step when a roar booms through the stone walls, making the mirrors shake. She doesn’t even hesitate, she takes off, even though it’s more likely than not she’ll run into a mirror face first. But she has to get out of here. There’s a second roar, and this one has a voice much more familiar, though so distorted and monstrous it’s bone-chilling. She never wants to hear that voice sound like this ever again.</p><p>“<em>YOU’RE MINE!” </em>It bellows at her heels.</p><p>She shrieks.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope Mercedes is okay.... ;)</p><p>No worries though, the next chapter will be posted on Friday! Although I can't say for sure we'll discover what exactly is going on THAT soon. After all, we have to figure out how we got there first...</p><p>If you'd like to see more about this fic/my nerd ramblings y'all can check out my art/fandom twitter @D00dleNoodle!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. One Month Ago</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dimitri has an idea. Annette is not as immune to puppy-dog eyes as she thinks. Felix has a locker room chat. Ashe is kidnapped. Ingrid messages an old flame.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Dimitri, you’re pining over Mercedes out loud again.”</p><p>“No I’m not.”</p><p>“Oh really?” Ingrid raises an eyebrow as they walk over to where Dimitri is hunched over on the couch. They rest their hands on his shoulders, both to tease him and to ease the tension in his muscles. “Then what’s all the--” They mimic his forlorn sighing melodramatically-- “that I’m hearing? Wait, what’s all this?”</p><p>Dimitri has quite the setup at the coffee table that they hadn’t noticed at first. There’s a plastic baggy full of different types of dyed, unwoven wool at his feet. On his left is a pincushion, with long steel needles sticking out like a porcupine with a world record. In the center is a square piece of felt laid over a piece of foam, Ingrid can tell by the <em> punch punch </em> sound it makes when Dimitri presses the needle down, hooking the bunches of wool into the felt as he goes. What he’s trying to felt, Ingrid sadly cannot guess, because there’s no discernible rhyme or reason to the colors and shapes he’s made so far. More pressing, however, is the bowl on his right, which already contains quite the collection of thin, broken pieces of steel. </p><p>“Oh, Mitya,” They say chidingly, tugging on his shoulders now so he has to sit back, “You know you don’t have the dexterity to needle-felt.”</p><p>“It will come with practice!” Dimitri says defensively, though he does set the needle down. He’s scowling, as if his piercing one-eyed glare can will the needles <em> not </em> to break.</p><p>“I thought Dedue showed you how to knit with those steel needles that you can’t break.” Ingrid says. </p><p>“He did but that’s not the point.” Dimitri huffs. Even though they can’t fully see his face they know he’s blushing. “Mercedes is the one that showed me needle-felting.”</p><p>And there it is. Ingrid lets go of their partner and swings around the couch so they can be face-to-face. </p><p>“Mercedes will like it just as much if it’s something you can actually <em> make</em>, Mitya.” They point out. Dimitri finally <em> relaxes </em> back against the couch, though unfortunately it’s with defeat.</p><p>“It’s not like I’m any better at knitting regardless.” He leans forward again, pointing at his felt canvas. “But this should be easier. It’s like filling in a coloring book, just with wool! You just stab the wool where you want it and it makes a picture, that’s what she showed me.”</p><p>Ingrid tilts their head to get a better look at his project, and does at least <em> attempt </em> to determine what it is.</p><p>“Uh...what picture are you exactly trying to make, here? Is it abstract?”</p><p>He winces. It’s not abstract. He collapses back into the couch again.</p><p>“Have <em> you </em> come up with something to give her?” He asks, his one blue eye finding theirs. His expression is challenging, and for once Ingrid relents. After all, they don’t have anything to show for their grand plan either. They shrug.</p><p>“I thought about baking her something but I’m not allowed in the kitchen without supervision to begin with, so if anything, that’ll end in disaster. I can’t paint worth a damn. The best I’ve got is going to a meadow and picking the prettiest flowers, but of course the weather’s getting colder so there won’t be much left to pick.”</p><p>“So that’s a no.”</p><p>They shrug again, exasperatedly.</p><p>“Well! We’re not artistic, Dimitri, we have to face it. We’re jocks.”</p><p>The man groans frustratedly, wiping his hands down his face. Ingrid bends over (just a little bit, Dimitri is still quite tall even when sitting), so they can look their partner in the eye. </p><p>“Listen, babe, I know you’re all about tradition but...I think we’ve hit the point where we should consider something non-traditional.” They say. “For both our sakes and hers. I mean, it would be fitting, it’s not like any of what we do is traditional anyways.”</p><p>Dimitri can’t argue with them on that point. If he were to try, they’d drag him to his feet and drag him to their shared bedroom and point angrily at the giant bi flag on the wall. And then point angrily at the small woven nonbinary flag friendship bracelet Mercedes had given them. And then reiterate the fact that they’re about to ask a third person into their relationship (romantically, at least), a still by no means common occurrence in all of Fódlan, let alone Faerghus. </p><p>“It just feels more heartfelt that way, to me.” Dimitri says, looking for all the world like a kicked puppy. Ingrid sighs and tosses themselves into the corner of the couch, swinging their legs up and into Dimitri’s lap. He immediately rests his hands on their shins, rubbing gentle circles into their leggings. </p><p>“A physical gift isn’t the only thing that’s heartfelt.” They suggest, “It could always be an event. We could take her for...a picnic?”</p><p>“During the Wyvern Moon?” Dimitri raises an eyebrow at them. He shakes his head. “She doesn’t like the cold.”</p><p>“We could take her to see a movie!” Ingrid says, sitting up. “Like a horror movie! She loves those, and it’s almost Halloween, there’s gotta be some new ones coming out now. When she gets scared, she’ll cuddle up to us.” They shimmy their shoulders and wink.</p><p>“Mmm,” Dimitri hums, but shakes his head again with a chagrined smile, “More like <em> we’ll </em> be clinging to <em> her, </em>which I doubt she’ll like. And it doesn’t really feel like a grand gesture, does it?”</p><p>“I guess not, we all see movies together all the time.” Ingrid allows. They bite their lip as they try to come up with a better idea.</p><p>“I do like your line of thinking though.” Dimitri says, head bowed in thought. “She likes horror...isn’t there that old haunted house that runs every year?”</p><p>“I was talking about it with her the other day, actually.” Ingrid nods. “It...shut down. She was really bummed about it.”</p><p>“What! No.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s why I didn’t suggest it in the first place. It wasn’t like Kostas’s Kave of Kreeps was...exactly...well-run. Or well-made. Or safe. I think half the reason Mercedes went every year was to help people who got trampled and the like. It’s a shame, because it would be a good idea…” Ingrid sighs. </p><p>Dimitri doesn’t respond. He has stopped rubbing circles in their leggings (a shame, they liked the sensation) and switched to tapping his fingers. He looks deep in thought. Ingrid narrows their eyes.</p><p>“I don’t like the look in your eye.”</p><p>Dimitri looks at them innocently, though his grin belies his ignorance. </p><p>“Which one?”</p><p>They scowl at the worn-out joke and throw an aptly-named throw pillow at his face. It fails to wipe the grin away.</p><p>“You know very well which one. It’s the one where you get some kind of wild idea that I’m going to have to tell you is bad.”</p><p>“Okay, but can I still make my case?”</p><p>They really can’t resist his grin. They want to kiss it off of him and resign to do it later.</p><p>“Fine, lay it on me. What has the great Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd come up with in that big blonde brain of his?”</p>
<hr/><p>Annette takes a sip of her tea and hums to herself. It warms her nicely on this chilly day. She lets the thoughts in her head percolate, then settle. She sets her tea down.</p><p>“You’re joking, right?” She says to her two friends sitting across the table with eager eyes like puppies. “This is a joke. You can’t be <em> serious</em>!?”</p><p>“It’s not impossible.” Dimitri says, as if that justifies everything. </p><p>“That’s not the <em> point</em>!” Annette nearly shouts in the middle of the cafe, and she has to inhale deeply before continuing to keep her voice down. “Maybe...maybe you’ve lost me. I’ve missed something. Walk me through your process again.”</p><p>“Well, Kostas’s Kave of Kreeps shut down for health violations. Among other things.” Ingrid begins.</p><p>“And we know Mercedes was really bummed about it. Not about Kostas’s Kave of Kreeps specifically,” Dimitri amends quickly, “But, you know, that there’s no other haunted house around.”</p><p>“So we thought we’d make our own--small, mind you, we’re not insane--haunted house.” Ingrid finishes.</p><p>Annette clears her throat. “I think you missed something.”</p><p>“No, I think that covered everything.” Dimitri says, but Ingrid adds, “Oh, right, so we can date Mercedes.”</p><p>“Oh that, right, yes that.” Dimitri nods eagerly, blushing at the mistake. Well, Annette thinks this whole idea is a mistake but she has the ominous feeling that’s not going to stop her friends.</p><p>“Yeah, no, that’s the part you skipped.” Annette leans forward. “Do you realize what this boils down to is you two starting a <em> business </em> just to ask someone out?”</p><p>“...yes.” Ingrid allows. “Something like that.”</p><p>“Here’s an idea that might save you some time, guys: just ask her out!” Annette cries exasperatedly.</p><p>“But, Annette, we’ve been trying to come up with something big for months. Mercedes means so much to us, we want to show her that.” Dimitri says, and Annette has to give him credit for his earnestness.</p><p>“I promise you can show her in easier ways.” Annette says, but she knows that by this point there’s no point at all. She sighs and takes another sip of her tea. She loves her friends dearly, but they have a habit of biting off more than they can chew. Maybe she can stop them from choking, at least. “So how exactly are you going to do this?...You aren’t rebuilding the caves are you?”</p><p>“Oh goddess no.” Ingrid says, and both of them shake their heads fervently. “Kostas’s Kave of Kreeps is dead and buried for good.”</p><p>“Literally, I think.” Dimitri adds with a wince. For a moment Annette and Ingrid share his expression. Then Ingrid picks up where they left off.</p><p>“We’re considering the old monastery a little ways southeast of here.”</p><p>The teacup nearly slips from Annette’s hands.</p><p>“Garreg Mach?” She asks. “You mean <em> the </em> Garreg Mach? Isn’t that place fudging condemned?” After a pause to think, she frowns, “Isn’t that place an Allied Heritage site?”</p><p>“Not <em> all </em>of it’s condemned.” Dimitri reassures her. “And it is a Heritage Site, so it is protected. But some areas have been renovated or restored and can be rented out for events. Dedue did some research for us.”</p><p><em> Of course he did</em>, Annette thinks to herself dryly. <em> Probably in a desperate attempt to tell you this was a bad idea. </em></p><p>“So you’re just going to rent an entire fudging monastery for a haunt. As college students. Oh wait, who am I kidding?”</p><p>She had said it in a clearly teasing manner, but Dimitri still hunches in on himself a little. As a rule, he’s never spent his family’s inheritance frivolously; in his view, it would be an insult to his parents to do so. If there was anything that would stop Dimitri from going forward with this plan, it would be that. But clearly it hasn’t so far. Ingrid nudges his shoulder gently to keep him grounded and continues on explaining.</p><p>“It’s a bit of an investment, but we’re hoping to make back what we put in. It’s gonna be a public event. I mean, opening a haunted house isn't a bad idea in general. Especially since Kostas’s Kave of Kreeps is gone, there’s a niche that we can fill, and pretty easily too, since our one competitor set a low bar to beat and also no longer exists. It’s not as risky a venture as it seems.”</p><p>Annette eyes her friend critically.</p><p>“Ingrid, why do you sound like a business major?” She deadpans.</p><p>That stops Ingrid in their tracks, and Dimitri snorts. Annette’s glad that seems to bring him out of his thoughts. He’s been doing better over the years, but it’s still scarily easy for him to turn inwards on himself.</p><p>Ingrid scratches their neck, expression a mixture of bashfulness and chagrin.</p><p>“So...do you remember that girl who’s always trying to sell stuff around campus?”</p><p>“Anna?” Annette’s brow furrows. You don’t forget a woman with a name similar to your own--and with a reputation (not a bad one mind you, but quite the unorthodox one) like Anna’s. </p><p>“Yeah, Anna. We ran into her outside the gym a couple days ago--”</p><p>“What was she selling this time?” Annette raises an eyebrow.</p><p>“Protein shakes...we think.” Ingrid says. “We didn’t buy any. But we figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask her for some business pointers and she was so excited about the prospect that she agreed to help us on the actual business front!”</p><p>“Sounds like you really are moving forward with this. I don’t know why you’re even bothering to tell me about it.” Annette shakes her head in amazement. She moves to sip her tea when understanding finally dawns on her. “Oh. No no. You’re not asking <em> me </em> to help with this?”</p><p>“Well, you do know Mercedes best.” Dimitri points out. “You live with her.”</p><p>“Yeah but <em> you </em> know I don’t do that kind of spooky stuff.” She insists. “Mercedes has managed to sit me down for <em> three </em> horror movies and they were enough to last me a lifetime, believe you me.”</p><p>“Wasn’t one of them just Temple of Doom?” Ingrid tilts their head.</p><p>“It counts.” Annette grimaces, though it’s more at the memory of that wretched film than anything else.</p><p>“But Annette, it wouldn’t be <em> you </em> getting scared. <em> You’d </em> be doing the scaring. It’s not the same.” Dimitri says. “<em>If </em> you wanted to scare at all. We’re going to need help in plenty of other areas.”</p><p>“No way. I’ve got enough to handle with my thesis regardless.” Annette crosses her arms. The puppy-dog looks have come out in full force. But it’s fine. She can resist.</p><p>“Please?” It would be fun.” Ingrid pleads. “We’re getting all the Lions in on it. It’ll be just like old times.”</p><p>Annette does have a lot of fond memories of that old dormitory--and it’s not like they stopped hanging out together once they moved into apartments and such for senior year. But there was a noticeable lack of shenanigans now that they were growing up and moving out into the world. She couldn’t deny that she missed the chaos sometimes. No! She can resist this! </p><p>“It would be a good challenge.” Dimitri says knowingly. </p><p>Annette can’t lie and say she’s not already thinking of the possibilities. For all she doesn’t like the spookier aspects of Halloween, she loves the costumes that come with the holiday. And the candy, but especially the costumes. She has no idea what Ingrid and Dimitri are currently planning for the monastery, but she’s thinking about the traditional priest regalia she’s seen in history books. How majestic it would look, even if it’s meant to be scary.</p><p>Okay, she’s doing a terrible job of resisting.</p><p>“Dedue’s agreed to help,” Dimitri tries, not realizing that they’ve already won her over. “And you know he’s much more... cautious when it comes to our plans.”</p><p>Annette takes another sip of tea to keep herself from laughing in the poor man’s face.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ll do it. To help keep you guys from crashing and burning if nothing else.” She sighs with a smile. “But just so you know, Dimitri: Dedue would follow you into the sun if you asked. Him agreeing to do this doesn’t automatically make it a good idea.”</p><p>Dimitri blushes all the way to his ears.</p>
<hr/><p>“Dedue, you would follow Dimitri into the sun if he asked. You agreeing to help those two with this stupid plan doesn’t make it any less stupid. You know that right?” Felix says as he sheds his fencing armor.</p><p>“Oh I am fully aware that it’s stupid.” Dedue says without skipping a beat, though Felix still catches the blush creeping up the man’s face. “I believe this whole endeavor will blow up in their faces. But I’m hoping that the more people we pull in to help, the less...terrible it will be.”</p><p>“So they’re really doing this then.” Felix barks out a derisive laugh. “You said they’ve been figuring this out all week?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Goddess, living with them must be a nightmare. How do you handle it?”</p><p>“Well, I’ve figured out how to air fry chicken, I’ve baked two upside down pineapple cakes, an omelette surprise for Ashe, a soufflé, and I’ve made progress on a new lobster bisque recipe.” Dedue lists off. Felix raises an eyebrow.</p><p>“So you don’t, basically.” He deadpans.</p><p>“I’m handling it fine.” Dedue insists with an irritated huff. “How do <em> you </em> handle Sylvain when he gets out of control?”</p><p>“I stab him.” Felix says plainly. A beat passes as Dedue tries to figure out if he’s being serious or not.</p><p>“...In fencing, right?”</p><p>There’s another beat, and finally Felix sighs, sounding for all the world <em> disappointed</em>.</p><p>“Yeah, fencing.”</p><p>Felix shrugs a shirt over his head as he thinks the proposal over. He doesn’t need to do much thinking, he doesn’t want to fucking do it. </p><p>“I don’t understand why you’re even bothering to <em> try </em> to drag me into this, Dedue. I’m not doing it.” He says. “Sylvain’s the theatre major, you should be asking him.”</p><p>“Bold of you to assume I’m not here for him in the first place.” Dedue replies. “I know that he’s on his way to pick you up currently. I figured I’d attempt to catch two birds with one stone. But Sylvain’s the one with the most experience in theatre, so he’ll probably be able to help us better than you can--no offense.” </p><p>“Please, the man mixes hot chocolate with his coffee, calls it ChoCoffskee, and thinks himself the funniest man alive. You give him too much credit.” Felix scoffs.</p><p>“Still, I was just hoping to get as many hands on deck as possible. You know Dimitri and Ingrid will harass you if you don’t do it.” Dedue’s tone doesn’t change, but there’s a knowing look in his eye.</p><p>Felix does pause at that. He can imagine the texts, and the phone calls, and in all likelihood one or both of them on his doorstep. He groans.</p><p>“Also I need both of you to help me recruit Ashe.” Dedue adds.</p><p>“You’re kidding, right?” Felix does actually laugh at that. “He’s the most scaredy-cat out of all of us. He <em> hates </em> scary shit. He won’t touch this with a ten-foot pole. And if <em> anyone </em> is going to persuade him, it’ll be <em> you </em>.”</p><p>“I’ve already tried recruiting him. What do you think the omelette surprise was for?” Dedue sighs dejectedly. It takes all of Felix’s power not to laugh in the man’s face, because honestly, what was he <em> expecting</em>? Ashe slept with a nightlight. He went to bed early just so he knew any noises he heard in the apartment could be attributed to his roommates and not some ghost.</p><p>“Recruiting? What are we recruiting for?” Sylvain slips into the locker room as another person slips out, deftly subverting his locker room ban. He twirls his car keys on his fingers. “Hey Dedue. Felix.” </p><p>He immediately swings an arm around Felix’s waist and presses a kiss to his cheek. Felix quickly maneuvers away, though he doesn’t protest, and Sylvain lets him go without a word. The push-pull of their dynamic is a bit of a marvel, and it’s impressive how much it’s improved and stabilized over the last year. </p><p>“You remember Kostas’s Kave of Kreeps?” Felix asks.</p><p>“Oh yeah that hellhole?” Sylvain grins. “I had the worst one-night stand of my life there.”</p><p>Felix glowers.</p><p>“I hate that that’s your frame of reference for that place.”</p><p>“But are you really that surprised?” Dedue remarks, and Sylvain shoots him a finger gun and a wink.</p><p>“Ingrid and the Boar are trying to build their own.” Felix says. Sylvain’s eyes widen.</p><p>“They’re rebuilding the cave?”</p><p>“They’re not rebuilding the cave.” Dedue clarifies immediately.</p><p>“Why on earth do they want to build a haunted house?” Sylvain tilts his head. “Where on earth are they going to build it?”</p><p>“Garreg Mach.”</p><p>Felix’s eyes widen and Sylvain’s jaw drops.</p><p>“Oh shit.” The latter breathes. “I wouldn’t be surprised if that place is <em> actually </em> haunted.”</p><p>“Yeah, Goddess. And you want us to recruit <em> Ashe</em>? Good fucking luck.” Felix adds.</p><p>“I’m not asking you to...recruit at this point. Just...trick him into coming to the meeting on Friday?” Dedue says very carefully.</p><p>“You mean kidnap him?” Felix deadpans. </p><p>“<em>No</em>.” Dedue says firmly. “Just, get him to come along. He can still say no, I just think if he realizes the creative potential of the place he might be willing to at least help with building the set.”</p><p>“I still don’t understand why this is happening.” Sylvain says, crossing his arms. “Ingrid and Dimitri aren’t exactly horror buffs. I mean if anything y’all should be talking to Mercie, not trying to kidnap Ashe.”</p><p>“It’s <em> not </em> kidnapping.” Dedue corrects. “And…”</p><p>“That’s because it’s <em> for </em> Mercedes.” Felix finishes for him with dry amusement. “The Boar has got it in his head that this will be some grand gesture of love that will win her over, and has somehow convinced Ingrid of the same thing.”</p><p>Sylvain bites his lip, his expression contorting from the force of the action, and a few choked sounds still escape regardless. His shoulders are shaking, and Dedue and Felix watch in silence as his face turns red.</p><p>“You can laugh.” Dedue finally says, and Sylvain bursts into hysterics. He makes a few attempts to form coherent words, but most of it is lost to very loud guffaws. He bends over, hands on his knees, and continues to laugh for about a minute more as Dedue and Felix watch on, exasperated and irritated, respectively. Finally Felix decides he’s had enough and whacks his boyfriend on the back.</p><p>“Cut it out. People are staring. You want a rec center employee to catch you in here again?” He snaps. </p><p>Sylvain coughs from the force of the blow, and finally seems to calm down. He’s still wheezing when he finally says:</p><p>“Please, I’ll help, I’ll do anything, but I <em> need </em> to witness this disaster.”</p><p>“We’re meeting at the monastery on Friday in the afternoon.” Dedue says, expression chagrined; he’s won Sylvain over, but not for a particularly noble reason. Felix feels a pang of sympathy for the man; his devotion to Dimitri is honestly admirable, if (in Felix’s opinion) misguided. He’s just trying to help out as best he can, even if it’s with something as completely idiotic as building a haunted house. Felix thinks that at this point Dedue would be better off attaching leashes to his roommates. Felix considers it for Sylvain at least once a week. </p><p>Dedue’s watch beeps, and he sighs. “I have to get to class. Felix, please think about it. And try to bring Ashe if you can.”</p><p>He bids them farewell and leaves the locker room. </p><p>“Before you ask, no.” Felix says, turning to grab the rest of his things from his locker. He feels Sylvain’s arm around his waist, and feels a little bit more receptive to it now that there’s no one in the immediate vicinity to see it. Sometimes he wishes he was more open to contact like this in public, but mostly he deeply appreciates the fact that Sylvain has never once tried to make him change, and has instead adapted to Felix’s way of expressing affection (which...mostly <em> isn’t</em>). </p><p>“You have no idea what I’m going to ask.” Sylvain says cheekily. He lowers his voice and moves in close. “Maybe I was going to ask for a little locker room <em> fun</em>…”</p><p>“You’re going to ask if we can do the stupid haunted house together.” Felix hip-checks him, not ungently. “No.”</p><p>“Why not? And--<em>and</em>--” Sylvain insists before Felix can reply, “It has to be an answer other than “it’s stupid”. It <em> is </em> stupid. That’s what’s gonna make it so fun.” </p><p>“It’s going to be hectic, stressful, annoying, and potentially dangerous.” Felix lists off. “Mercedes has told us enough horror stories--pun <em> not </em> intended,” he glares, but Sylvain only continues to smile, “--about how she would help injured people at Kostas’s Kave of Kreeps. What makes you think this will be any different?”</p><p>“Weeeee’re not a bunch of drunk college kids hired for cheap to jump out of holes and scare-slash-assault people in an environment prone to cave-ins?” Sylvain offers. </p><p>“We’re not far off.” Felix scoffs.</p><p>“Come on, you have to admit, the idea of seeing this disaster live <em> is </em> appealing.” Sylvain pokes his side gently. “There is no situation here that isn’t funny as hell: one, it’s a disaster and Mercie hates it, and the dumb ‘will-they-won’t-they’ game the three of them have been playing will go up in flames, though really it won’t because Mercedes is soft as hell, and the game will extend for at least another year, driving us all to madness in the process; two, it’s a disaster and she loves it, because it’s Mercedes, and we get to watch this woman be impressed over the dumbest possible thing; three, it’s a success and she loves it, which will happen when pigs fly and would simply be impressive enough to applaud; or four, it’s a success and she <em> hates </em> it, which is the cruelest and funniest joke the Goddess could possibly play in this situation.”</p><p>Felix frowns. Sylvain’s right, but that last option feels so mean-spirited, even for himself. </p><p>“You realize these are our friends, right?” He asks skeptically, “They’re just trying to do something heartfelt. Asinine, but heartfelt.”</p><p>Sylvain grins and Felix realizes he’s been played.</p><p>“So you’re defending it.” He says, running his tongue across his teeth playfully. Cheeky bastard.</p><p>“Am <em> not</em>. I just said it was asinine.”</p><p>“But heartfelt.” Sylvain points out. “There is probably a non-zero chance that this will work. Even if Mercie agrees to date them out of pity and nothing else. And even you have to agree that it would be nice for the three of them to finally sort their shit out.”</p><p>“They can do it in smarter ways.”</p><p>“Of course, but it’s always fun to watch them be dumb.”</p><p>He’s not wrong about that. Felix scowls. He can’t believe he’s coming around to this.</p><p>“I’ll let you fake-stab me in front of a bunch of people over and over again?” Sylvain tries. Felix groans exasperatedly.</p><p>“Fine.” He finally relents. “But you’re the one getting Ashe into the car.”</p>
<hr/><p>“I’m not going in there! That place gives me the creeps!” Ashe cries desperately, his voice muffled through the car window. Sylvain looks amused, but Felix is downright pissed. He keeps trying to unlock the car, but Ashe is too fast for him, and keeps pressing the lock down before he can get the door open. </p><p>“It’s broad daylight, Ashe! What is in there that could possibly hurt you?” Sylvain offers. </p><p>“It could be a curse, you don’t know.” Ashe retorts petulantly. “There may not be ghosts in the day time--”</p><p>“Ghosts aren’t real!” Felix snaps.</p><p>“--but I wouldn’t put it past this place to just...have some curse lying around. You touch the wrong altar, or, or--”</p><p>“Come on, Ashe, we’ll protect you from any creepy crawlies in there.” Sylvain says. “We came all the way out here, it’d be a shame if you didn’t at least check the place out.”</p><p>“You <em> dragged </em> me out here without my consent.” Ashe yells. “I don’t have to go anywhere, so I’m <em> not </em> going in there!”</p><p>Felix bangs on the window.</p><p>“You’re being childish.” He snarls. “You’re acting like a stupid little kid!”</p><p>There is a part of Ashe that understands that, yeah, he is. He’s being more than a little irrational. But behind his roommates the monastery looms, and it’s...daunting. To say the least. The whole place has been abandoned for decades, if not centuries. Ashe imagines that if nature had taken its course and reclaimed the place, it might look a little more welcoming, if wild. But the place is a preserved heritage site, so it’s kept as close to what it looked like in its heyday as possible. Each straight edge, twisting spire, and of course, dark shadow, looks menacing. It gives Ashe nothing but bad vibes.</p><p>And he’s also not above spite. So he flips Felix off.</p><p>Felix squawks indignantly and turns his anger onto Sylvain, jabbing the man’s chest with an accusing finger.</p><p>“He learned that from you!”</p><p>“Whaaat? Nooooo.” Sylvain says, sounding totally not innocent (even though he is, sure Sylvain has a bit of a potty mouth but Ashe isn’t a child) (Ashe is also a line cook, and is used to far worse than anything Sylvain could cook up)(pun intended). </p><p>“Ah, you’re here.” Ashe can hear Dedue’s muffled voice. “Did Ashe come?”</p><p>“Oh! Fantastic.” Felix huffs. He steps aside, and Dedue can now walk up to the back of the car where Ashe is sitting. “We got him here, now <em> you </em> can get him out.”</p><p>Felix storms off into the monastery, Sylvain trailing after him. He gives an apologetic shrug and blows a kiss to Ashe before following his boyfriend inside. Dedue bends down so he can be eye-to-eye with Ashe.</p><p>“You put them up to it.” Ashe accuses by way of greeting. Dedue nods with a wince.</p><p>“I did. I just really want you to give this a chance.” He gently taps the window. “Can you open the window, Ashe? I won’t touch you.”</p><p>Ashe can’t without the car turned on, but he can open the door. He huffs a sigh and pushes it open, but he crosses his arms and settles into his seat with a wiggle in a way he hopes conveys he’s <em> not </em> going anywhere and Dedue couldn’t move him if he tried (...he can, but Ashe trusts that he’ll keep his word). </p><p>“If this place is actually haunted, I believe there are enough of us here to protect you.” Dedue offers first. </p><p>“That’s how most horror films start, with big groups! And then they get picked off one by one and it’s terrible.” </p><p>“And you would know?” Dedue raises an eyebrow. No, Ashe wouldn’t know first hand, at least. He won’t touch horror media but that doesn’t stop him from looking it up from time to time, when the story seems interesting enough. It’s never interesting enough to attempt viewing, though.</p><p>“Nobody’s asking you to be here or participate any more than you want to. You don’t even have to perform, or be here at night.” Dedue continues. “I just want you to give the idea a second chance. It would be nice to do something as the Lions again, wouldn’t it?”</p><p>True, it’s been a good long while since everyone in their little group was able to hang out. Hell, between a full load of classes and his part-time job at the restaurant Ashe hardly sees the men he <em> lives </em> with. Of course that brings up whether or not he can even help out with this at all, logistically. But as long as Dedue means what he says (and he very rarely <em> doesn’t</em>), Ashe might be able to balance everything just fine. </p><p>“I’ve also been assured that being on “the other side of the curtain”, so to speak, takes much of the fear out of a haunted house.” Dedue adds.</p><p>“Mercie does always say that, doesn’t she?” Ashe nods. “But...I don’t know. This place is so creepy. I feel like some angry ghost priest is just gonna...jump out and condemn us all to hell or something.” </p><p>“I’m fairly certain there are living priests who would do the same.” Dedue says dryly. </p><p>“But more often than not you can see them coming.” Ashe points out, feeling oddly reassured at the reminder. Shadows are hardly as scary as angry people. Unless there are angry people <em> in </em> the shadows. This thought brings down his mood a bit, and Dedue notices.</p><p>“I can carry you on my back the whole time, if that would make you feel safer.” Dedue offers suddenly. He clears his throat. Is he blushing? It’s hard to tell. “I could also talk about my recipe list to help distract you?”</p><p>Ashe considers this for a moment, and what that really means is he struggles not to get obviously flustered. Dedue’s always been bigger and stronger than him, and that’s not something Ashe is even jealous of. Ashe can’t name it. But it’s not jealousy. </p><p>“Both? Both is good.” He says finally. “If I want to leave you’ll let me leave, right?”</p><p>“Of course!” Dedue sounds affronted at the implication he would do anything different. Without hesitation he turns around and kneels, his back to Ashe. “I’m still working on the lobster bisque. I’m having difficulty with the flavor. I find the chicken broth to be too overwhelming, but I don’t know what to cut it with. I don’t want to use water.”</p><p>Ashe carefully hooks his arms over Dedue’s shoulders and his legs around the man’s hips until he’s piggybacking. Dedue rises slowly so as not to unbalance them both, and does it with ease. Again, that not-jealousy feeling rushes through him. He tries to focus on the food. </p><p>“Definitely don’t use water.” Ashe agrees. Dedue shuts the car door and walks back towards the monastery. Ashe hums in thought. “Have you tried reserving some of the lobster juice to add? I’d lessen the chicken broth and try using that.” </p><p>“Ah, I see.” Dedue nods. They’re looping around stairs and through gardens, and Ashe begins to realize the true <em> scope </em> of this place. As if it wasn’t intimidating enough. </p><p>“Where are we going?” </p><p>“The spaces we’re renting are in the center of the monastery. The reception hall and the old classrooms, I believe.”</p><p>“Classrooms? Oh, right, there was also an academy here, wasn’t there?”</p><p>“Correct.”</p><p>“Aren’t you worried about people getting lost trying to find this haunted house?” Ashe asks. Now that he knows how far they’re walking, he feels a little guilty for making Dedue carry him there. But Dedue doesn’t seem to be breaking much of a sweat.</p><p>“There will be signs posted.” Dedue reassures him. “I’m afraid lobster juice would thin the bisque out more than it already is.”</p><p>“If you’re worried about that, add more tomato paste.” </p><p>They continue discussing Dedue’s bisque until they turn onto a covered walkway, and then an open field. On the right a tall cathedral-like building stretches high. On the left are a series of rooms, with little display stands in front of each. Adorning each doorway are flags. Ashe recognizes the Leicester Alliance crest, the Adrestian black eagle, and--</p><p>“There you two are!” Ingrid pops out of the third classroom, with the blue flag and lion emblem of Faerghus. “We thought it’d be fitting to gather in this one. Glad you could make it, Ashe!”</p><p>They clap their hands together with a revelation. “That means we’ve gotten all the Blue Lions in on this! How fitting.”</p><p>Ashe frowns. Sure he agreed to check the place out, but he’s still not sure if he actually wants to do this. But he doesn’t want to disappoint Ingrid either, and they look so happy...</p><p>“Ashe has not agreed to anything yet.” Dedue says politely, but firmly. “He’ll listen to our plan, and then decide.”</p><p>“Right, right, of course.” Ingrid says. They give Ashe an apologetic look. “I’m just really excited.”</p><p>“Understandable,” Ashe says, “this seems like quite the undertaking.”</p><p>“Nothing we can’t do if we put our minds to it!” Ingrid grins and disappears back into the classroom. Ashe rests his chin on Dedue’s shoulder. </p><p>“Thanks.” He murmurs. The man’s earring tickles his cheek, but he doesn’t move away.</p><p>“It’s no trouble. I want you to be comfortable. I...I hope I didn’t speak over you.” Dedue adds hesitantly.</p><p>“Not at all. I’m too eager to please, I guess. I always have trouble saying no. I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”</p><p>“But your comfort is more important than anyone’s disappointment.” Dedue points out. “You can always say no.”</p><p>“And sometimes it <em> is </em> good to step out of my comfort zone now and then.” Ashe counters. Dedue walks into the classroom, and Ashe suddenly realizes how the two of them must look. Well, it’s not like Ashe hasn’t been carried by any of the other Lions before, but on this occasion it feels...silly.</p><p>“You can put me down now, Dedue.” Ashe says quietly. </p><p>“Are you sure?” </p><p>“Yeah. Thank you.” </p><p>“Of course.” Dedue squats effortlessly and Ashe feels one last rush of not-jealousy before he dismounts. He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly and waves at everyone.</p><p>“Hey guys.”</p><p>“Hi Ashe!” Annette calls from the front of the room. She’s perched on the desk, her legs kicking the air cheerfully. Dimitri is standing next to the chalkboard--apparently usable, as he’s studying a crudely drawn layout on it--and he also waves to Ashe, with chalk in his hand. There’s a red-haired woman standing by the old fireplace, she’s familiar but Ashe can’t quite place her, and she waves at him too. Felix is leaning on a pillar near the door, and Sylvain is nearby, leaning on a desk. Sylvain catches Ashe’s eye and glances between him and Dedue, before waggling his eyebrows. Ashe hopes to the Goddess he’s not blushing too badly and makes a face at him. Sylvain only snickers. </p><p>“Where’s--” Ashe starts, before remembering, “oh, right. She’s not here.”</p><p>“Nope! And she’s not supposed to know about it, either. This is all going to be one big surprise.” Ingrid says, practically bouncing their way to Dimitri’s side. “That’s everyone now! We can get started.”</p><p>“Yes.” Dimitri turns to face everyone. When he speaks, he has the voice of a tried and true leader. It’s admirable. “Thank you all for coming. I know this seems like a harebrained endeavor--”</p><p>Felix mutters something under his breath, but Dimitri is used to that kind of thing by now and continues on.</p><p>“--but it’ll be a fun time for everyone, I think. Ingrid and I have already done some planning, so we’ll explain where we’re at and go from there.”</p><p>Ingrid picks up where he left off smoothly. </p><p>“We have access to most of the center of the monastery complex. The classrooms we’re in and the small field outside, and the reception hall and all of its first floor. That doesn’t sound like a lot but--well, you all walked here. Garreg Mach is fairly spacious. We’ll be using that to our advantage. Dimitri and I have already worked out a general layout--uh--Dimitri…”</p><p>Ashe had been generous when he thought of Dimitri’s drawing as crude. He can tell the three little boxes are supposed to be the classrooms, but there are other squiggly lines everywhere that don’t connect and he can’t exactly tell which end is up. Everyone else appears to be having the same trouble. Including, it seems, Dimitri, because he tries to explain and gets lost himself.</p><p>“I used the map on my phone as reference.” Dimitri finally says with a frown.</p><p>“No offense, Mitya, but you’re also half-blind.” Sylvain points out, not unkindly, walking forward and holding his hand out for the chalk. “Let the liberal arts major take a crack at it?”</p><p>Dimitri grumbles but hands Sylvain the chalk. Ashe thinks about pointing out the danger in giving a man like Sylvain power over a chalkboard, then decides to let whatever chaos will unfold, unfold. He glances at Felix and sees that the man has reached the same conclusion. He smiles.</p><p>“Well, the entrance will be right where the covered walkway is, the way everyone came in.” Ingrid continues while Sylvain draws behind them. “There Anna will have a ticket booth set up--oh, I’m not sure if you’ve all met. This is Anna, she’s helping us with the business side of this, selling tickets and such.”</p><p>“I’m also helping with advertising.” Anna adds, grinning. “This is gonna be <em> so </em> lucrative if we get the word out properly. My sisters are gonna be jealous.” </p><p>“Then we’re going to bring people from classroom to classroom, scene to scene, like so.” Ingrid turns to the map. Sylvain has roughly half the diagram done, much more legible than Dimitri’s, and Ingrid points to the classrooms in turn. “Then we bring them around to the reception hall here.”</p><p>“Oh, let me add that for ya.” </p><p>“Thanks, Sylvain.”</p><p>“This part will be really challenging technically.” Dimitri says. “It’s going to take a load off of us as it lets the audience run through and scare themselves, but--”</p><p>“Have we heard back from that sponsor yet?” Dedue asks, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“We haven’t, but don’t worry, I’m working my magic.” Anna pipes up. “We’ll get those mirrors in no time.”</p><p>“Mirrors?” Felix echoes.</p><p>“We plan to build a mirror maze in the back half of the reception hall. That will funnel the audience through a good chunk of the place and then down into--Sylvain, is that a penis.” Ingrid cuts off.</p><p>“Whaaaat? Noooooooo,” Sylvain says with an innocent grin, as he wipes the offending member off the chalkboard with his bare hand, maintaining eye contact with Ingrid the whole time. Of course since it’s chalk it only smears instead of erases. The resulting smudged doodle looks incredibly ridiculous. Ashe can hear Felix scoff behind him, but has to stifle a giggle himself. Annette too, and Anna straight up snorts. </p><p>“Alright, we should have seen that coming.” Ingrid allows with a sigh, turning back to the rest of the group (and either not noticing or not acknowledging the further chuckle at their phrasing). As they continue Dimitri grabs the eraser and shoves it into Sylvain’s hands, pointing emphatically at the penis. Dimitri, in a stunning lack of foresight, then turns his back so he can be a part of the discussion, and Ashe has to stifle another giggle as Sylvain starts to carve out a negative drawing of a penis in the smudged original with the eraser.</p><p>“As I was saying, that’ll bring the audience down into the front of the reception hall for the finale. We can have one last scene, one or two more big scares, before sending them on their way, right around where they came in.” Ingrid finishes. They turn to the chalkboard, and at the last second Sylvain erases all of his hard work with one swipe. Ingrid scowls, but again Sylvain grins innocently, quickly finishing off the rest of the chalk layout in a matter of seconds. “And that’s that.”</p><p>“You make it sound so easy.” Felix deadpans.</p><p>“Oh, we have no doubt that it won’t be.” Dimitri says. “This will be a challenge, we know that. That’s why we’ve tried to work creatively within our current means so no one’s stretched too thin between scenes and scares.”</p><p>“Yeah, I wanted to ask about that.” Annette pipes up. “What do you mean by scenes? Won’t we just be in spooky costumes...I don’t know, jumping out at people and stuff?”</p><p>“Not quite.” Anna says excitedly. “That was more Kostas’s Kave of Kreeps’ thing, wasn’t it? We have the chance to improve and expand upon the original idea. Give people a little meat for their bones as well. A narrative component to the show adds a lot of potential. People like being scared, but they <em> love </em> a good story.”</p><p>“Wait, so this is a play?” Ashe asks, more than a little nervous. He’s not opposed to being on-stage, but, you know, he’s always preferred being Villager #3 as opposed to the Tragic Faerghan King. </p><p>“Nothing so intense. No monologues or high drama.” Ingrid reassures him. “Just enough to lull people into a false sense of security before scaring the crap out of them. There’s such a rich history here at Garreg Mach. It seems like such a waste to not use it to our advantage.”</p><p>“Oh, please don’t tell me you’re making this a church morality play.” Sylvain grimaces.</p><p>“No, not at all.” Dedue shakes his head.</p><p>“Well, regardless,” the man continues, “Dimitri mentioned no one being stretched thin. I don’t think there’s a way we can do this <em> without </em> being stretched thin.” He points to the diagram, which, for all of his joking doodles, <em> is </em> accurate. “I mean, if you wanna do scenes, and we’re assuming two people per scene, that’s one, two, three pairs, that’s six of us just in the classrooms. The maze does give us time to set up whatever you want the finale to be. But if the entrance is here, outside, all that space is open. People in line will see us running around, and I don’t think that’s a curtain we want people to see behind.”</p><p>“Hm, that’s a good point.” Dimitri says. He claps Sylvain on the back, nearly smashing him into the chalkboard in the process. “See, that’s why we needed everyone here! Ingrid and I have been doing our best, but we’re not perfect. Any and all ideas to improve on this are welcome.”</p><p>“Sylvain’s right.” Felix says immediately. “There’s not enough of us to do this without killing ourselves. There’s seven of us here, but at least one of us--Anna, I’m assuming--will be managing tickets. That means six people actually running this thing. That’s not possible, unless you want to have people coming through the show <em> really </em> slowly to give us enough time to do everything. I’m no aficionado but “slow” and “haunted house” don’t exactly mix.”</p><p>“Have you really only asked the Lions to help out with this?” Annette adds.</p><p>“Well...considering the nature of our proposal, we wanted people we knew and trusted on board.” Dedue says.</p><p> “In truth, I don’t really know anyone else who’d be interested in helping.” Dimitri adds.</p><p>“Me neither.” Ingrid shrugs. </p><p>“Really?” Sylvain says incredulously. He leans on Ingrid’s shoulder conspiratorially, but his “whisper” isn’t really much of a whisper as everyone can hear it: “Because <em> I </em> heard a little rumor floating around the theatre department that a certain songstress is having trouble filling out her last practical credit.”</p><p>Ingrid’s eyes light up.</p><p>“Oh.” They say. “That’s a thought. Well. Maybe.” They start to waffle, blushing nervously. “We haven’t talked in a while…”</p><p>“It’s worth a shot.” Dimitri encourages. “We need all the help we can get.”</p><p>All in all, the Lions (and Anna) spend almost a full three hours in the classroom, brainstorming and troubleshooting ideas. Ashe still doesn’t feel fully comfortable with the idea of being in a haunted house, but the excitement and creativity in the room is inspiring. And everyone’s here, which warms him enough to chase away the dread he’d felt coming in. Almost everyone, he thinks a little forlornly, because he hasn’t seen Mercedes in ages and misses her despite the fact they text each other daily. But this is <em> for </em> her, and however silly that fact is, Ashe can’t deny it’s wholesome. </p><p>Finally an attendant for the monastery comes by, just to check in, but the Lions take that as their cue to leave. They make plans to meet every evening (if they’re free to) for at least the next week to hammer out details. </p><p>“Are you glad you gave this a second chance?” Dedue asks Ashe, sounding hopeful.</p><p>“I haven’t entirely decided, yet. I can’t lie, I’m still a little bitter about being kidnapped.” He gives Dedue a lopsided grin, but the man still looks slightly ashamed.</p><p>“Please, it’s not like you dragged me out here to commit a war crime or something.” He adds. “This could be really fun. I’ll just have to take a look at my work schedule. And…my class schedule. And my homework.”</p><p>“Don’t overextend yourself, Ashe.” Dedue says.</p><p>“Don’t be a hypocrite, Dedue.” Ashe shoots right back with a knowing grin. They’ve both always been the hardworking type. And often the hardworking to the point of “Oh Goddess please <em> sleep </em> before you drop dead” type. Occasionally the “I know I took a hippocratic oath but I swear I will dose your brownies with melatonin” type (a Mercedes-specific one). </p><p>“Touché.” Dedue huffs a laugh and smiles.</p><p>Sylvain walks up to them bouncing like a driver in a seat. He pulls up next to Ashe with an exaggerated pulling of a brake, and yanking of an imaginary chain above him, with accompanying sound effects. </p><p>“Doot doot! Sylvain Train’s leaving the station. Felix is already on his way to the car. You ready to go, Ashe?” He asks.</p><p>“Yeah. Thanks, Dedue. For...you know.” He scratches his neck awkwardly.</p><p>“Of course. Thank <em> you </em> for helping with my recipe. I will make those adjustments and let you know the results.” Dedue says, smiling fondly.</p><p>“Please do.” </p><p>Ashe turns and is surprised to find Sylvain crouched on his knees, his back to Ashe.</p><p>“All aboard!” He calls over his shoulder.</p><p>“I don’t need you to carry me, Sylvain.” Ashe says, hoping he’s not blushing <em> too </em> badly from embarrassment. “I’m fine.”</p><p>“Please, please, allow me to make up for the fact that I tricked you into going to the spooky church site. Dedue was able to make it up to you that way. Why can’t I?”</p><p>“Can you carry me as far as he can?” Ashe crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow at him. He hears Dedue clear his throat awkwardly behind them, but he decides not to focus on it.</p><p>“Will you do me the honor of letting me try?” Sylvain offers. </p><p>Ashe relaxes with an exasperated sigh and roll of his eyes. </p><p>“Fine.”</p><p>“Woo! One ticket for the Sylvain Train!”</p><p>“Don’t push it.”</p><p>He climbs onto Sylvain’s back. He feels Sylvain bounce on his heels and knows to brace himself as the man uses the momentum to pop up to his feet. He’s not handling Ashe’s weight as easily as Dedue, but that’s not stopping him. </p><p>“See ya, Dedue!” Sylvain calls.</p><p>“Bye, Dedue. I’ll text.” Ashe says, waving over his shoulder as Sylvain takes off at a steady trot. Unfortunately, Sylvain decides to start mimicking a train again, so Ashe’s view of Dedue is shaky at best. He’s fairly certain the man waves back. </p><p>“Sylvain, slow down.” Ashe whines, smacking Sylvain’s shoulder (or trying to, it’s hard to remain steady with Sylvain intentionally bouncing like he is). “Stop it.”</p><p>“We gotta go full speed ahead before they find out how many dicks I snuck into that map, no can do.” Sylvain says.</p><p>Feeling a little vengeful, a little irritably fond, and still a little bit embarrassed, Ashe leans in and gently nips the side of Sylvain’s neck, right below his ear. Sylvain <em> immediately </em> skids to a stop (almost trips to a stop, really, he’s so taken off guard), with a strangled squeak.</p><p>“Oh, would you look at that, the emergency break.” Ashe says.</p><p>“Okay, I’ll stop.” Sylvain says, and the blush spreading across his cheeks fills Ashe with vindication. He starts walking again, still quickly, but comfortably now. He’s panting a little. “I couldn’t help it, ya know? Gotta re-establish myself before Dedue whisks you away to some golden tower where he can serve at your beck and call along with Dimitri.”</p><p>“W-what?” It’s Ashe’s turn to squeak. He stammers, “He wouldn’t--that’s--no, it’s nothing like that. He just wanted to make me feel safer here. And <em> I </em> wouldn’t, not without at least talking to you about it, like with Felix, and, and, you shouldn’t have to feel jealous, we’re just friends!”</p><p>“I do wanna clarify that I’m kidding, you know that right? To hell with boyfriend material, that man is 100% natural husband. You should <em> absolutely </em> go for it. If anything, I’m jealous that he gave <em> you </em> a piggyback ride. Who <em> doesn’t </em> want to be carried by that man?”</p><p>“Stop it!” Ashe smacks him again. He must be bright red by now, the burning in his cheeks can’t be anything else. “We’re <em> just friends</em>.”</p><p>“Ah,” Sylvain sighs nostalgically, “Remember when we were just friends, Ashe?”</p><p>“Just shut up and carry me to the car.” Ashe huffs.</p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Let it be known I haven't embedded an image in a fic in *years* so I hope it works/looks okay! I figured a "proper" text convo would be less of a headache than trying to format a text convo into the writing itself. I'm not sure if it was exactly worth it yet, lol.</p><p>Yay! Chapter one, off to a roaring (pun intended) start! I'd like to say chapter two will be up by next Friday because I've made good progress on it, but I might give myself a cushion and say two weeks from today, just to be safe. I hope y'all enjoy :)</p><p>PS: I'm absolutely filled to the brim with fun facts and dumb world-building and such for this au, so I'm always open to answering questions (as long as they fall into the non-spoiler territory, that is)!</p>
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